


What The Future Holds

by princesscas



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dragon Quest XI Act II Spoilers, I was having a sad so I wrote this, M/M, Memory Loss, POV Second Person, and now I'm not having a sad, because I couldn't stand having it be entirely angst, less suffering!, seriously though it got better, so I guess it worked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesscas/pseuds/princesscas
Summary: You find Erik, but he's not exactly the same, and you have to get to know him all over again.(or: an amnesiac Erik fic, from the luminary's perspective)
Relationships: Camus | Erik/Hero | Luminary (Dragon Quest XI)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 44





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Thanks for coming here!
> 
> Since this is solely from the luminary's perspective, the spoilers only extend as far as recovering Jade and Erik. If you have both of them back in the party, you should be okay to read this.
> 
> (the luminary was supposed to be named El but I kinda forgot to actually put anything with his name, so use whatever name you want)

The narrow hallway isn’t exactly welcoming. You’ve never found it to be anything of the sort, so you avoid coming down here for the most part. It’s not like you’re a crucial crew member, though, so it’s easy to stay away from the places you don’t want to go on Sylv’s ship. Still, you’ve got to do your part somehow, and if your job is going down to the cargo bay to check for intruders, you’re not going to complain. It’s not bad, all things considered.

Dave passes you on the stairs with a cheerful wave, and you can’t help but wonder what happened. It takes a lot of effort to discern how he’s feeling under the mask normally, but today it’s easy. Everyone’s been a little happier lately, though. Jade brought a lot of energy back to the team, and it’s been rubbing off on everyone. That’s probably all it is.

You try looking in through the blue-tinged window set too high in the door to be practical, but it doesn’t really help. All you can see is your own reflection, and the slightest shadowy impression of the shelves and boxes stacked inside the room. You stare back at yourself, wondering if your eyes are really that blue, or if it’s just the tinted glass making them that color. Your reflection doesn’t give an answer, but you hadn’t expected anything. Maybe you’ll check in your room’s mirror when you get back upstairs. You don’t have anything better to do.

Even though the wooden door swelled during the recent rain, it easily pulls open for you. Strangely enough, there is a figure there, instead of the usual scurrying rats or tipped barrels. You cautiously approach, wondering who could have gotten onto the boat. They must have boarded the ship in Puerto Valor, when Sylv and Dave were buying supplies (and Hendrik was doing most of the carrying).

Too late, they notice you standing right behind them, and sharply turn to face you before regaining their footing faster than you thought was possible. You’ve only seen one person with those kinds of reflexes.

Their hood falls off.

Your brain stops functioning completely.

You should have known, from the color of that all-too-familiar green tunic, from the signature red sash around his waist, from the fingerless leather gloves, but those somehow weren’t enough.

His eyes hold some kind of twisted fear, but you don’t notice.

You stand there, at a loss for words. The rest of the party rushes through the door to stand next to you, and you silently thank whoever sent them down. They can speak for you. They can actually articulate their thoughts, instead of having a completely useless lump in their head that currently doesn’t want to do anything.

“Erik? Honey, is it really you?” Sylv asks, his voice going unnaturally high at the end.

“Ye’re alive, laddie! I knew ye would be! Och, this is the best news we’ve had in a while!” Rab cries, taking a few steps towards him. This time, you notice the way that Erik backs away, his eyes wide, hands in a defensive position, and you’re about to point out his discomfort when Sylv interrupts again. He’s clearly missed Erik. Not nearly as much as you have, though.

“You can say that again! It’s wonderful to have you back - isn’t it?”

Everyone else in the group nods at each other, even Hendrik, who barely knew Erik at all aside from the occasions at which Hendrik attempted to murder him. You swallow a lump in your throat. It feels like so long ago that it was just you and Erik against the world (well, the Heliodorian government, but still), and you were both so confident that you could make it. And you did, but … something’s off.

Something’s definitely off.

“I- I’m sorry!” Erik drops to his knees, and his hood almost falls back over his face. “I hadn’t eaten anything for three days, and I saw you loading this boat with food, and … and I just couldn’t help myself … “ he says in a rush. Jade frowns behind you.

“Are … are you okay, honey?” Sylv asks, moving forward slowly to avoid spooking him. It’s a well-intentioned move, but Erik’s easily spooked, and it does absolutely no good. He springs back to avoid Sylv’s outstretched hand, and for some reason he meets your eyes. Yours. Not anyone else’s. His gaze is pleading, but you can’t quite tell what he’s asking for.

“Something is not right,” Hendrik mutters. Stating the obvious, as always. Jade wasn’t exactly wrong when she said Hendrik was slow. “Is this really your former companion?”

Erik shifts at those words, turning his eyes to Sylv. You feel horrible that you’re relieved about that. “You … you said ‘Erik’, right? I’m pretty sure that’s my name, but … do I … know you, or something?”

In that moment, you want to fall down and sit next to Erik, to wrap your arms around him, to bury your head in his chest and explain to him that he’s alright, but you don’t. Instead you stand there and do absolutely nothing, like the coward you are underneath all that Luminary shit.

You were never the one who took a spell to protect your friends. You were never the one who risked everything to give them a chance. You were never the one who was endlessly faithful.

Some partner _you_ are.

“Don’t ye remember us, laddie? Yer auld partners in crime?” Rab’s wrong about that part, but you don’t bother to correct him. The only person here who’s actually committed crimes with him is you, and he’s the only one who’s ever called you ‘partner’ (aside from Vince, but you don’t like to think about that. Erik would get so jealous when you brought it up that you stopped).

“I- I’m sorry,” he repeats, letting his gaze drop to the floor, examining the wood like it was the most interesting thing around, which it most certainly wasn’t. “I don’t remember anything. I woke up, and everything was dark, and … I had no idea who I was. Or where. I remember my name, and I know there’s something important I have to do, but apart from that … “ He trails off, and everyone knows the answer to that sentence. Nobody bothers to say it out loud.

“Look, I know I have no right to ask you this, but … could I tag along with you guys for a while?”

 _Of course, you idiot,_ you want to tell him. To be honest, you’d do anything to get him to stay with you. He’s your partner, after all, and you promised him that you would be there for each other. Maybe this is kind of an odd situation, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to break your promise. Even if he doesn’t remember making it with you.

You nod, and that’s that. Nobody questions your decision, except for maybe Erik himself. You try not to let that hurt.

Sylv turns around and laughs. Laughs, of all things. “He’s lost his memory and gained some manners! I wish Veronica were here to see this - she’d die!” he remarks casually.

Erik tilts his head at that, like the name’s almost familiar to him, but the little spark in his eyes fades so quickly that you manage to convince yourself that you only imagine it.

***

There’s no real dinner table on the Salty Stallion. Everyone picks their own spot to sit for mealtimes, across the deck or in their room if they feel like it. Hendrik’s been picking a different spot every day for the duration of the sea travel, but he’s stayed in one place for a few days now, and you think maybe he’ll stay there. Jade’s found a barrel somewhere, and she drags it next to Hendrik to talk with him. Sylv sits with Dave tonight, discussing their route north towards the Sniflheim area. Rab’s with them too, quietly reminiscing to himself about King Gustaf.

You cross the deck, preparing for another day of sitting by yourself and anxiously wondering about your other companions. At least tonight, you’ll have one less person to worry about. If nothing else, Erik’s safe, and that’s the best you could have hoped for. You’ll take this over finding his dead body somewhere.

When you’re not in your room, you’re always leaning up against the side of the deck. That’s where you’ve always sat, and until someone tells you otherwise, that’s where you’ll be.

But someone else is already there.

It makes sense, actually. More than you care to admit. You and Erik used to sit there together all the time. After you got out of Gondolia, he’d refused to go to a room to rest, instead insisting that he keep watch just in case there was someone pursuing the ship. You saw he wasn't going to give in, so you’d stayed next to him the whole night, healing him whenever it got bad. He hadn’t complained once, despite the fact that Serena was clearly a better healer than you were.

Even though he doesn’t remember that night, you do. You most definitely do.

You abruptly change direction and go to your room to eat.

***

Sleep eludes you, but that’s fine. It has a habit of doing that for you. You don’t know why, but you can deal with it. It’s been going on for as long as you can remember, and you’ve always just accepted it and slept in as late as you could.

You tug open the top left drawer of your wooden dresser, one that’s slightly smaller than the others because the top row has two drawers instead of one. The perfect size to keep things you need easy access to. The drawer on the right isn’t good for the job, because it takes a considerable amount of effort to wrench open. You have some of your companions’ old things in there, the ones they didn’t have on them during the Fall. As each person came back, you gave back their things, but you haven’t given Erik anything yet. You try, but for some reason, the drawer has decided not to open, so you wait.

The left drawer opens without putting up a fight, and you rummage through its contents before finding a little bottle of pills with a well-worn label. It doesn’t matter. You only have the one bottle, and you don’t need the label to know what they’re for. Lately you haven’t needed them, what with how exhausting your days get, but tonight you want to fall asleep as fast as possible.

Crossing the room to the sink in the bathroom, you toss down the pill with some water, hoping that it kicks in quickly. You drink another half glass of water, just for the hell of it. Drinking water of your own volition? Something’s wrong.

The only person who actually made sure you were alright was Erik, so you’ve had to learn how to do it yourself. It’s harder than you expected. Apparently you don’t care about yourself as much as Erik cared about you.

You hate that you’re using the past tense, but you don’t correct yourself.

It takes only a few steps to travel back to your bed, but it feels like a journey in itself. Your footsteps echo through the room, but other than that, everything’s silent. For some reason, your feet take you to the door that links your room to Erik’s, and for some reason, you take the little golden chain and lock your door so he can’t get in through the connecting passage. You don’t think he would try, but something tells you that it’s the right thing to do.

There’s some part of you that wants him to come in during the night so you can curl up in his arms and talk to him for hours and hours, but that part of you is overruled.

Instead, you fall onto the bed with a muffled thud. Your eyes find the ceiling and trace lines across it. On the side table, there’s a book with a slip of paper marking your page, but you can’t bring yourself to read it. In the book, there’s a hero, like you, but unlike you, this one is successful, and this one ends up with a happily ever after. In that world, everything is alright. In yours, it feels like nothing ever will be alright again.

It can’t be permanent. You found a solution for everyone else’s predicaments. Hendrik got over his hatred of you. Rab wasn’t dead on the mountain in Angri-La. Sylv … well, he didn’t do anything, but he's Sylv. Jade regained her mind from Booga. There has to be _something_ that will get your partner back. He’s the one you were most sure would make it.

You haven’t fixed your own problem, but that’s because you couldn’t identify it. Now, it’s obvious, glaring in your face.

Sometimes people refer to the person they love as their other half, and you’ve never understood why they did that. You think you just might get it now, though.

Every time someone assumed you and Erik were together, you’d blush and stutter some kind of protest. You refused to admit your feelings to anyone, not even yourself. It was foolish to assume you could have ended up anywhere but here. Hopelessly in love with him. You never predicted that you’d lose him as soon as you figured it out, though. And this … you wonder if it was meant as a punishment. An indicator that you were never supposed to fall in love with him.

Turning over, you bury your face in the pillow, and let it absorb all your tears as they pour out, neutralizing the half-glass of water you drank earlier. You cry until you don’t have anything left to give up, until all that leaves you are dry, broken sobs, until you lose the battle with sleep and let yourself be pulled under the waves.

In the morning, the pillow bears no evidence of what transpired the night before. You don’t remember hearing anything in the night, but when you wake up the top right drawer is open, and there’s a distinctly dagger-shaped absence. The sliding lock between the connecting door is unhooked, and the chain dangles slightly on a phantom wind.

Later that day, you notice the blade in question at Erik’s hip, but you don’t say anything.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's still there, and you know it.
> 
> (starts out bad but it gets better I promise!!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ,,,,,, I lied. I caved and wrote a second chapter.
> 
> I wrote this part for fav_littleleaf, but I didn't dedicate the entire work! if anyone knows if there's a way to dedicate a single chapter I would 100% do it.
> 
> (and anyone else who didn't want it to be entirely angst)
> 
> very vague Erik personal quest stuff. it's all before the alizarin fight ///

It’s easy to avoid him, so you do. You do everything you can to prevent yourself from encountering him in your day-to-day life on the Salty Stallion. He doesn’t fight when monsters come on board. You take meals in your room. You stop going on aimless walks around the ship.

If he were himself again, you’d have done the exact opposite. You’d have spent every waking moment with him, and admittedly most of your dreams too, although he’s still with you then. But he’s not, so you live without him and let the lingering guilt consume you.

Sometimes during battles, you remember that he used to always be the one by your side, fighting next to you, protecting you, but then you glance to your right and see someone else. Usually Hendrik. The irony of it nearly makes you sick. If he had had his memories of Hendrik, he would have hated this. Perhaps challenged him to some kind of duel for your partnership. He’d have trouble winning that one, but there’s no way he would have played by the rules. Maybe he’d have had you and Serena help out with wildsiding him.

You feel another pang of guilt at the thought that you haven’t found Serena yet either, but you hold onto the loose thread of hope that is Arboria. The twins are there. They have to be there. It’s the only option left, besides Sniflheim.

For some reason, your feet take you belowdecks, but instead of going to your cabin, you turn to go to the kitchen. You have no idea why. You don’t even remember whose turn it is to cook. The only people exempt from cooking duties are Sylvando, because it’s his ship, and Hendrik, because he can’t cook to save his life (Yggdrasil only knows how that man was able to live at all without the cooking of Heliodor Castle).

When you walk in, you’re struck by the realization that it’s not even dinner time. Judging by the sun, it’s actually only the late afternoon. Damn. How distracted  _ are _ you?

You try to leave, but something pulls you back to the room. You walk in a little further so that you can see the entirety of the kitchen, and it’s only then that you notice you’re not alone. After a brief moment of standing still as a statue, you turn on your heel and practically run to the door, abandoning all attempts at looking casual.

“Hey,” Erik calls softly, and you grind to a halt.

“I was just leaving,” you mumble, refusing to look into his eyes, because if you did, you’d only be able to see the person who he used to be. That Erik’s not here right now, but his eyes are the same, and you’d still do anything for that little ghost of a sparkle in them.

He crosses his arms. “You weren’t.”

You refuse to respond, instead pressing your lips together and staring at his shoes. They’re the same as always, of course. That’s what you had expected, but the lack of interest is still disappointing.

“Could you … stay? I - I want to talk to you,” he says, and something inside you breaks.

You can’t say no, and you know it.

It takes only moments to make your way to Erik’s side, and he stops doing whatever it is he was doing before you walked in, in favor of sitting down next to you. Following his lead, you slide down the wall and let your exhaustion drag you all the way to the ground. At this point, you’re not even sure what it is that’s wearing you out, you just know it’s taking its toll. Maybe it’s just the fact that you indirectly destroyed Erdrea. Yeah, that's probably it.

“Can I ask you something?”

You shrug. “Yes, but I might not answer. Feel free to ask, though.”

He runs a hand through his unruly mess of blue hair, a nervous habit you recognize but don’t point out. Erik had never been nervous around you before. He was always the one to say something impulsively without a care, and usually the one to get you into trouble. Then again, he found ways to get out of it too. You can’t help but miss those days, when you hadn’t failed and you knew where everyone was and Erik was there for you all the time and he would stay up late talking with you and - 

Don’t think about that.

“Who was I? Y’know, before all this. Just … tell me about myself,” Erik requests tentatively.

_ My partner. You were my partner, _ a voice in your head whispers, but you tune it out. It takes a lot of effort, but you can do it. This isn’t the hardest thing you’ve done, not even the hardest thing you’ve done today. You took on a few of those vicious otter shambles earlier, and those are harder to fight than the voices in your head. Except for the fact that the voices in your head can’t be defeated, only delayed.

“I can’t tell you a lot, but … “ you trail off, considering what to tell him and what not to. “You broke me out of jail in Heliodor, and we traveled together the rest of the way.” You don’t mention how long ‘the rest of the way’ was. And you definitely don’t bring up … other things. Like how you were -  _ are _ \- in love with him.

It still hurts to think it like that, but you know it’s true, and it’s no good lying to yourself.

Erik smiles slightly. “I broke you out of jail? That sounds interesting,” he remarks casually, as if the discovery that he was a criminal doesn’t surprise or trouble him in the slightest. “It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything else.”

“Thanks,” you whisper, feeling like a coward for not being able to tell him more. Apparently some things don’t come from his memories. You’re grateful that at least that one little remnant of who he is remains. He’s still understanding, and he’s still Erik somewhere underneath. All you have to do is unearth that.

You start to stand up, but he holds your arm captive, and you stop. The motion is far too familiar.

“Is there anything you think might help me get my memories back? An object or something?” Erik asks, his voice a little bit stronger and more assertive.

The words bring back another memory, one of your own, from a few days ago.

_ “Is there some way to get his memories back?” you ask, burying your face in your hands. _

_ Everyone at the table falls into silence, except for Jade. “Yes. There is a way, we just haven’t found it yet. It’s going to work out, we just have to be patient.” _

_ “I can’t be patient anymore,” you whisper, voice breaking partway through. “I want him back.” _

_ “I know ye do, laddie. We all do. But we cannae do anything about this,” Rab offers, and you know he’s right, but you can’t stand his words. Why don’t they understand? This isn’t a game to you, this is your partner, for fuck’s sake, and you can’t live like this. _

_ Sylvando corners you after the meeting, once everyone else has left. “I know it’s hard, but you have to think about it. This is going to sound strange, but what if you kissed him?” _

_ “What? Why would that help?” You raise your eyebrows. Maybe this time he’s really gone off the rails. _

_ Sylv grins at you with that all-too-knowing look in his eye. “Honey, we all know you’re head over heels for each other. All I’m saying is I think it might be worth a try.” _

_ “This conversation is over,” you growl, and he leaves without objection. As soon as he’s gone, you try to sleep, but you can’t, not when Sylv has tapped into a reserve of memories that you’d sworn not to think about. Now, they’re at the forefront of your mind, and you remember exactly why you don’t let yourself indulge in them. _

Erik releases your arm, but you pull him up to stand with you. You nod in answer to his question, and he doesn’t let go of your hand while you lead him to your quarters. It takes far too much effort to seal the memories away, and even when you do, the faint echoes of them remain in your mind. You can still feel his hands in your hair. You can still see the way the laces of his tunic pulled open so easily at your touch. You can still hear his soft moans. You can still remember how he would whisper in your ear that you were his.

You’re not sure what it is that prompts these flashes, but you don’t want it to happen again.

“Here,” you say, opening the door to your quarters quickly. You pull the top left drawer open and hope he doesn’t notice how messy it is. Rummaging through the contents, you realize that you don’t have the Red Orb back yet, and remember that the weird axolotl thing has it. Right. Instead, you carefully remove the green orb, the one that you had recovered from Booga, and hope that it does the trick.

Erik holds out his hands, and you gently let the orb fall into them. It emits a soft glow, and he stares at it as if it’s the most important thing he’s ever done. His forehead creases slightly, and his mouth scrunches up. “Do you have any more of these?” he asks. “I feel like this is the wrong one.”

“That’s a good sign,” you inform him. “When we find the Red Orb, it might do more.”

“The Red Orb of Heliodor? Huh.” Erik brings the hand not holding the orb to his forehead and presses against his temples. “That phrase seems familiar. Nothing more than that, though. Thanks anyway.” He moves towards the door, ready to leave.

You’re ready for him to leave too. Sylv doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But as he’s leaving, you can’t help it. You blurt out the question that’s been cycling through your mind.

“Did you break in here to get that dagger?”

Erik has the doorknob in hand, but he still turns back to face you. “No idea what you’re talking about,” he says airily, smirking as he closes the door, leaving you all alone, but somehow feeling a lot less lonely.

***

When Dave calls that something’s wrong, you rush to the deck, and you’re not alone. Everyone comes running up to see what’s going on. You’re so close to Sniflheim that you were sure you were done with obstacles. But of course, the Goddess is obligated to make your life difficult.

So here you are, staring at the gateway into the Sniflheim area, and there’s an enormous golden  _ thing _ blocking your way. It’s actually kind of pretty in the sun. It sparkles and glints in a way that you’ve never seen before. Even the gold statues in Heliodor Castle don’t compare to the quality of this. The positioning is unfortunate, though.

Sylvando frowns slightly at it. “I’m sure that wasn’t here before. Well, it looks like we won’t be sailing that way any time soon,” he remarks, too cheerfully for your tastes.

“Well, that’s not much help to us, eh? If we cannae get through to Arboria, we cannae find out how to give auld Mordegon what-for.” Rab twirls his moustache around a finger. “Wait - there’s that pillar of light in the sea north of Sniflheim, eh? Well, it’s just a thought, but maybe that’s worth a wee look. It’s not too far off, after all.”

“I did bring back Lorelei’s Harp, so it’s not a bad idea,” Jade adds, smiling slightly.

You nod in agreement, and so does everyone else. Rab goes back below decks, Sylv goes off to talk to Dave about the change in course, Hendrik and Jade return to their respective quarters, and eventually the only ones left out are you and Erik.

You’re the only one who notices the way he stares at the golden barrier, like it’s something he knows he’s seen somewhere else that he can’t quite place.

“Erik,” you say softly from behind him. “Are you alright?”

He almost jumps when your hand meets his shoulder, but he makes no attempt to remove it. In fact, he lets his own hand rest on top of yours. It’s such a natural feeling that you almost forget that he doesn't have his memories of you. You wonder what it was that brought back the memory of something like this. You love the casual touches like this just as much as other intimate moments, maybe even more, and somehow this one feels even more special.

He remembers that one little piece of you.

“I- I’m okay, I think. I just feel a little weird, that’s all,” Erik admits. “My head hurts, but that’s nothing new. I can deal with it.”

Classic Erik, downplaying his injuries so that you don’t have to heal them. He really is coming back. You have to suppress a grin at the thought of it. You’re finally getting your Erik back, piece by piece, but you’ll take it. You’ll take whatever you can get.

“Shut up. I’m healing you, alright? It’s no trouble,” you reassure him, knowing that he’s probably feeling guilty about the fact that you’re using magic on him. Your hands brush against his forehead, a soft green glow spilling out of them, and he melts into your touch. He must have been hurt pretty badly, then.

“Thanks.”

“How did you get that injury?”

Erik shrugs. “I don’t think it’s an injury. It kicked in when I saw the gold thing … and a little bit when you said something about the red orb … I think there’s something blocking me from remembering stuff, and I was trying to break it.”

The only way that could be the case was if there was a spell or binding of some sort against his memory, and that was impossible … right? Then again, you had all ended up in different places after the Fall, and Erik might have ended up in a situation where that was the only escape. But still, that wasn’t something that any old sorcerer could do. You doubt that even Veronica could do it. Maybe if Serena and Veronica both combined their powers.

“In that case, you’d better not remember anything for a while,” you tease, letting your hand fall from his shoulder to rest at his waist instead, along his sash.

To your surprise, Erik leans in a little bit, so that his shoulder is brushing against yours. “I’m not too worried about that.”

“Why?” you ask. “I thought you wanted your memories back.”

“Yeah, I do, but it’s not so bad making new ones.” Erik smiles at you, soft and content, and in that moment, you promise yourself that you'll do everything in power to keep it there.

(Unbeknownst to you, Sylv and Dave have a brief and silent celebration from their vantage point in the navigator’s room when he lets his head fall onto your shoulder.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you for reading. comments / kudos mean the world to me! you motivate me to keep writing. I'm starting to think that I'm actually capable of writing. Wow. What an extraordinary feeling.
> 
> this took a little longer than expected because I was taking a class (video game design! super exciting!)
> 
> you're all amazing people!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading this!
> 
> As the tags say, I wrote this while Having A Sad, so I'm sorry if it's kinda ... well, sad. I thought it was interesting to experiment with second person! I like reading second person and I decided to try it out, please tell me if you liked it!
> 
> If you comment/kudos it will make my day!!! So please do!!! It would mean a lot to me


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